The Delicate Art of Pride-Swallowing

I am a recovering perfectionist. The Lord gave me four unruly sons as the first step in letting go of a perfect house. Then He gave me many ministry opportunities that “wrecked” my perfect schedule. In the middle of all that He sent me to a country where I would never have as good a grasp of my second language as I do of my first one.

I still struggle with lowering my expectations to meet reality. I love teaching the Bible to individuals or small groups, but I dread preaching in Portuguese. In recent years, with the growth of ZOOM meetings and church YouTube channels, I have turned down speaking opportunities (that would have been recorded) because I didn’t want my grammatical errors to be recorded for posterity.

Thankfully, the Lord keeps hammering away at the lies I tell myself, especially the one that says I can somehow sustain an image that depends on perfect performance. I was recently asked to teach an online course at a seminary in another state. I hesitated to accept knowing that the courses would be taped and used for years to come. But as I prayed about whether or not to do it, the Lord reminded me, “It’s not about you, it’s about Me.”

So for the month of March, I’ve been swallowing my pride two nights a week to teach Theology of John Wesley to 16 students who I will probably never meet. I wish I could say that the Lord has enabled me to speak flawless Portuguese, but instead He has given me courage to keep going in spite of mistakes and has helped me to forget about myself and trust Him with the results. He is faithful!